


4 Times Hera Didn’t Hear Kanan Say I Love You + 1 Time She Did

by emilyisfictional



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: A New Dawn - John Jackson Miller, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: 1 and 2 he can see, 4+1 times, 5 Times, Alderaan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anniversary, Battle of Endor, Blind Kanan Jarrus, Domestic, Empire Day, F/M, Fluff, Hera Syndulla Needs A Hug, Holocron, Hurt Kanan Jarrus, I Love You, Interspecies Relationship(s), Interspecies Romance, Kanan Jarrus Needs a Hug, Order 66 Mentions, Parental Hera Syndulla, Post-Star Wars: Rebels, Pre-Star Wars: Rebels, Reconnaissance, Space Parents, Tags Are Hard, ish, meilooruns, only in like part 3 and on though, suprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:49:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23661850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyisfictional/pseuds/emilyisfictional
Summary: “A tracking device? You planted a tracking device on me?”“If you’re going to continue to pull off careless stunts like this then yes, Kanan, I’m going to plant a tracking device on you.“Where is it?”She scoffed, “as if I would tell you.”“So you do care, how sweet.”“I care about not getting you killed, dear.”“Same thing.”Aka Kanan is in love and doesn't know how to function.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61





	1. 9 BBY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been working on this piece for a while now! I'm such Kanera tRASH! I hope you enjoy!

**1.**

It had not been a very good day for Kanan Jarrus.

He was not only floating aimlessly in space but the escape pod he had escaped in was losing oxygen. 

Fast.

Where was Hera when you needed her? He knew she would be mad. His mission was reconnaissance, not to engage. But at the time it had seemed like a good idea. 

At the time it was only one cargo ship, carrying enough fuel to last them more than a few rotations. Fuel that they would need on their relief mission to bring supplies to the people of Mygeeto. A planet where the Empire had decided to test a few of its new toys, on the unsuspecting colonists. 

Kanan’s job was to board the ship and plant a tracker so the Rebellion could find them. But well, one thing led to another and Kanan had decided it would be easier to blow the cargo ship with as much fuel as he could load into an escape pod. 

He had not, however, expected the cargo ship to be meeting with a squad of TIE fighters. With pilots who had better aim than he had hoped. They had fired on and damaged his pod, most specifically the life support. He had 10 maybe 20 minutes tops, but he knew if he didn’t get help soon he would die in an unmarked pod in the middle of nowhere. And Kanan Jarrus refused to go out like that.

Luckily, the TIEs thought it was too damaged for anyone to survive and jumped to hyperspace with the remains of the cargo ship. But Kanan was nothing if not resilient. 

He knew it was a reckless move. 

But today wasn’t a good day. And he felt like being a little reckless. 

He was fidgeting with his comm, trying to get it back online when it finally chirped. 

“Hello? Hello does anyone copy?”

“Spectre-1? This is Spectre-2 do you copy?”

Kanan sighed with relief, “I copy Spectre-2.”

There was silence and then, “What were you thinking.” _Okay,_ she definitely had a right to be angry. He had after all disobeyed direct orders to not engage the cargo carrier.

“I just thought it would be faster for me to get the shipment out then wait for the Rebellion.”

“Yes, but your mission was reconnaissance.”

“I know. But the plan changed so I intercepted them on the rebellion’s behalf!”

“Alone! If you had gotten hurt-” 

“What?”

There was a pause and then, “I’m locking the Ghost on to your signal. Be prepared for a pickup. 

“Spectre-2?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

He saw the shadow of the Ghost cover his pod and when his pod rumbled he knew she had engaged the magnetic lock. 

Just a few more moments and-

The lid of the escape pod popped and just above him, he saw Chopper, Hera’s C1-unit, looking down on him. He made a few noises, and Kanan didn’t need to understand binary to know they were insults. 

“Yeah I know I screwed up buddy, now can you help me with these fuel canisters,” he asked hoisting one up. 

There were 5 canisters and once they were secured on the Ghost, Kanan disengaged the magnetic lock and watched as the pod drifted off into the unknown.

He followed Chopper up to the Ghost’s cockpit. Where Hera was busy, working away at something. He had just sat down in the co-pilot’s chair when a hologram of a small monkey-like creature showed up. 

“Spectre-2 is it? What has been taking your rebellion so long?”

“Not very grateful,” Kanan murmured, leaning back in his chair. 

Hera shot him a look before turning back to the hologram. “Chief Tee Watt Kaa, my associate and I have picked up the fuel we need to make the jump to Mygeeto. We should be there by the end of the rotation.”

“Hmm, I hope you’re right Captain, my people are suffering. We are counting on you.”

The hologram fizzled out.

“Well he seemed spritely,” Kanan chuckled, placing his arms behind his head.

Hera sneered at him and punched his exposed side.

He reacted immediately, “what? What did I do?”

“What if I hadn’t been able to find you? What you did put not only the mission at stake but your life,” she shook her head. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking, I can handle it. And how did you find me anyway?”

Hera raised a small device and waved it at him.

“A tracking device? You planted a tracking device on me?”

“If you’re going to continue to pull off careless stunts like this then yes, Kanan, I’m going to plant a tracking device on you.

“Where is it?”

She scoffed, “as if I would tell you.”

“So you do care, how sweet.”

“I care about not getting you killed, _dear_.”

“Same thing.”

“Chop. Prep the engines for hyperspace.”  
“I didn’t hear a-

“Scan the Mygeeto system for Imperial ships,” she interrupted. “And be prepared to engage the-”

“The signature modulator. I’m already on it,” Kanan replied.

“Alright then, here we go.” 

Hera pulled a lever and the Ghost suddenly blasted off into the blue tunnel of hyperspace. 

Once she was content with all the buttons and lights on the dashboard ahead of her she turned in her chair to Kanan. 

“Hey Chop, do you mind double checking those fuel canisters?” she asked. Not turning from Kanan who finally looked over to meet her gaze. 

Chopper made a whining sound but once he looked between the two obliged.

Once Hera heard the sliding of the doors she asked, “so, are you going to tell me the truth?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she watched as he subconsciously lifted his hand to ruffle his hair but backed away when he remembered it was tied back. Hera thought it was smart at first, a way to hide his tell.

But he couldn’t fool her.

“Kanan, don’t think I forgot what today is,” she exhaled. “And what it means to you.” 

“Hera-”

“Empire Day? The day that the Empire overthrew the Republic ten years ago and-” she paused. “And the day the clones turned on their Jedi generals.”

“Hera, you don't’ know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re right. I don’t. But I don’t have to, to know that it affects you,” Kanan turned his head but Hera grabbed his shoulder and forced him to look her in the eye. “Because it does, doesn’t it?” She searched for something in his eyes. Grief, anger, something. But she saw only pain and loss. “I won’t force you to tell me anything, but, I am here for you if you need to talk.”

Kanan turned to face the front of the Ghost. As he watched the stars zoom past he said, “was it really ten years ago?”

Hera nodded. She took his hand and he let her. “What was her name?”

Kanan had not mentioned the name of his old Master in those long years. Thought of her? Yes. But his Jedi past was a death sentence. So he did his best to let the memories of Caleb Dume die, as Kanan Jarrus made new ones. 

But he trusted Hera. He had only been travelling with her for two years now, but those two years had been some of the best of his life. And he was willing to spend many more years with her. 

Because,

_I love you._

The words shocked him, and he dared not say them aloud. But he allowed the words to simmer in his mind. Feeling the warmth and truth behind them. The Jedi council may not have allowed such feelings in the past and especially not during the Clone Wars. 

But the Jedi council wasn’t around anymore so Kanan indulged himself.

And he saw Hera was still waiting for an answer.

“Her name was Depa Billaba,” he told her. “And she was one of the greatest Jedi I’ve ever known.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite Kanan is dumb boy Kanan hehe... Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!


	2. 3 BBY

**2.**

“Can I open my eyes yet?” he asked his young apprentice, who clumsily covered his Master’s eyes.

Ezra only chuckled. “Kanan, weren’t you the one who said that ‘patience is one of the most valuable skills a Jedi can learn’, and ‘one-day lives may depend on it.’”

“Yes well, I never expected it to be my life at stake.”

“Okay, what happened to the importance of the element of surprise?”

“If you two are done talking Jedi nonsense we’re ready inside,” Kanan heard Sabine say from somewhere ahead of them.

“So are you finally going to tell me what’s going on?”

“In a minute,” Ezra promised. “Zeb, go get Hera!”

“Hera? Guys what are you planning.”

He sensed Zeb’s presence fading away as Ezra guided him forward and sat him down. There was warmth near his fingertips and yet the room was dark, as far as he could tell. 

There was a shift in the room and Kanan could sense Hera and Zeb's approach. 

“Zeb, I still have to fix the engine conduits and-”

“I already took care of that,” Ezra informed her, maintaining his position covering Kanan’s eyes as Kanan sensed Zeb sit Hera down across from him. 

“Don’t worry, I don’t sense any impending disaster.”

“Kanan? What is this?”

Kanan chuckled, “I’m just as blind as you are.”

“Okay so now that everyone’s here,” Sabine started. “As you know, it’s been eight years since the liberation of Gorse.”

“Okay?”

“And Hera’s Captain log records that as the first time the two of you met,” she added. 

“When did you go through my log-”

“So to celebrate eight years of- whatever it is you two have got going on. Ezra? Zeb?”

Both males removed their hands and Hera and Kanan both beheld what was in front of them.

The first thing he noticed was Hera. Surprise danced across her eyes and a smile took up the entire lower portion of her face. She looked down, shaking her head and chuckling. When she looked back up she made eye contact with him and gave him a private smile. Even in the dim light, she was resplendent. There was a twinkle in her eyes that came from the candle at their table which he hadn’t even noticed until he looked away from her. 

The desk from the corner of the commons area had been dragged to the center of the room. Covered with a silver tablecloth it was decorated with plates that the kids had fished out from force-knows where covered with rations and in the center circling the candle were two meilooruns. 

“What is this?” Kanan asked, unable to control his smile.

“Happy anniversary! The three kids said at the same time along with Chopper beeping something incoherent.

“Thank you,” Hera smiled, words still seeming to fail her. “This is very thoughtful of all of you.”

“It was Sabine’s idea,” Ezra prompted, nudging her forward. 

“Yes, well. I’m sorry it couldn’t be anything more but-”

Kanan watched as Hera took Sabine’s hand and looked her in the eyes. “Sabine this is incredibly thoughtful of you. It’s perfect.”

“I can’t believe you did all this for us!” Kanan admitted his gaze finding Hera’s again. 

“And on that note, we’ll be in our cabins if you two, need anything.” And with that, the four left the commons area and Kanan was left with a strange dinner and the love of his life.

And force there was nowhere else he’d rather be.

_I love you_

He knew it was true. You didn’t just spend eight years with someone for nothing. He loved her in the simplest moments, he loved her in the heat of battle and he loved her lounging around the Ghost. He loved her determination and her compassion and her will to always do what's right.

Sabine’s words echoed in his mind ‘ _whatever it is you two have got going on’_.

He didn’t really know what they were. The Rebellion had changing variables every day. He was so scared to lose her that sometimes he held back from telling her how much she really meant to him. He didn’t know if she’d believe him if he told her. So he had taken to saying those three words under his breath. Whenever he felt the tug of his heart. Whenever her smile gave him goosebumps. Whenever his heart danced to the sound of her laugh.

“I love you,” he mouthed. Just quiet enough for her not to hear but enough to really feel it throughout his entire body. 

“What was that?” she asked.

“Just,” he sighed. “They’re good kids.” 

Hera chuckled, “we raised them well, didn’t we?” 

“Yeah,” he agreed, cutting up a meiloorun. And with a piece of it on his fork, holding it up in a cheering salute added: “Yeah we did.”

One day. One day he would be able to say it to her. 

He just hoped _one day_ wouldn’t be too late. 


	3. 1 BBY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one might be my favourite of the chapters so I hope you enjoy it! It's pretty light and fluffy especially since the next one is going to pull at the heartstrings a bit...

**3.**

She held his hand and led him down a winding street. 

_“I have a surprise,”_ she had said and kissed his cheek. 

They were only supposed to be on Alderaan for one rotation, picking up supplies from Senator Organa. Or more accurately “steal” supplies from Senator Organa. But the day mission had quickly turned to a week when the Empire decided on an inspection. They were supposed to leave tomorrow, supplies or not. So why Hera had decided to surprise him with, _something_ was beyond him.

He wished he could see her. He wished he could see the beautiful rebellious spark in her eyes. Or the way she couldn’t contain a smile even when she was mad at him. 

She squeezed his hand, as she took him carefully around a corner. 

Ever since he had been blinded at the hand of Maul she had taken to touching him more, which he couldn’t exactly complain about. It wasn’t always obvious, and nothing that could’ve been seen as inappropriate (at least not in public). But pressing her knee against his when sitting beside each other in the Ghost. Tracing spirals on his hand at Rebellion meetings. Brushing up against him when walking past with officials. Playing with his hair on the rare occasion he let it loose.

She turned him one direction then violently jerked him the other way.

“Hera?” he repeated for the umpteenth time. “Would you mind telling me where we’re going now?”

“I told you it’s a surprise.”

“Well at least the kids don’t have to cover my eyes this time,” he laughed remembering fondly the last time someone had told him about a ‘surprise.’

“Kanan,”

“Mhmm?”

“The kids aren’t here.”

Oh.

_Oh._

“Don’t make that face,” she chuckled, grabbing his chin and giving it a little shake. “Now come on we’re going to miss it!”

A strong scent wafted past his nose as Hera slowed. He sensed a large gathering of people and he could feel warmth and light against his face. He slowly removed his mask to feel the warmth on his eyelids. He took a deep breath and exhaled with a smile. 

“Don’t get lost now,” she murmured, pushing him forward but not letting go of his hand. 

“Hera, that smell.”

“Pretty good isn’t it?”

“It’s incredible!”

Ever since losing his sight, his other senses had been heightened. And well, he was feeling all of them here. There was music playing somewhere ahead of them, there was laughter in the streets and something, _something smelt amazing_.

He heard the tingling of credits being passed and Hera tugged him to a nearby table. 

She pressed something into his hand and immediately he knew it was the source of the incredible smell. 

He took a bite and nearly moaned at the taste. For someone who had been living off ration packs for the past few months, this was ecstasy. 

“Custard bread,” Hera informed him, her mouth full. “They only make it during the Gingerbell Blossom Festival. It’s an Alderaanian delicacy.

Kanan took another bite, he was astounded. Delicacy indeed. 

“Ever since the Empire took over celebrations like these are few and far in between,” she told him. “But since we were here,” she took his hand. “I thought maybe it would be a nice break.”

“It’s almost overwhelming,” he admitted. “But it’s incredible. It’s almost like, I don’t need to see, to know what’s there.”

“That’s what I was hoping.”

He felt it. A slight tug of his heart. This would be the perfect moment to finally say it. No kids, no interruptions. Just the two of them. 

He wanted to say it. So many times he wanted to say it. 

Maybe he would be able to tonight.

“Hera I love-”

The song’s volume picked up then and he felt something in the atmosphere shift too.

“Kanan! The Gingerbells are blooming!” she squeezed his hand, and he knew she hadn’t heard him. “Dance with me?”

“I- what?”

“The Alderaanians play a song to welcome the Gingerbells, oh please Kanan.”

She pulled him up and dragged him to a clear area. He felt her wrap her arms around his shoulders and start swaying to the beat of the music. 

He had never felt more awkward.

“Hera, I don’t know how to dance,” he confessed. 

“Just, hold me, Kanan,” she replied softly. “I’ll lead.

“Always,” he chuckled, his heart racing. 

She was so close he could feel her breath on his neck. It was moments like these, moments where every sense was just _Hera!_ that he swore he could see her. When he had his sight he had memorized every inch of her. He knew every nook, every curve. He had an intimate knowledge of the dark green marks that freckled her shoulder blades. He pictured them as he trailed his fingers down her spine and let them rest at the small of her back. He pulled her close and followed the way she moved to the music. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. She hummed with content. 

He could say it now. 

He should say it now.

But everything was still. As if they were paused in a moment of time that he could live in forever if he chose. If he confessed his love for her, and she didn’t feel the same way or thought that the Rebellion should come first, that moment could crumble away.

So he would hold off for now. It was just him, Hera, the hazy scent of the custard bread and the Alderaanian music that echoed through his brain. 

He would tell her soon, he promised himself.

Soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


	4. 0 BBY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS IS WHERE THE MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH COMES IN!!
> 
> On an unrelated note how about that new clone wars episode 😅😅😅

**4.**

Kanan could sense Hera follow him to the top of the fuel pod. What he couldn’t sense was his apprentice. Who was supposed to be picking them up. If they didn’t get out soon they would be captured again. And he couldn’t allow Hera to fall into the Empire’s clutches again. He just couldn’t, not when she was in arms reach. Not when he sensed she was keeping something from him.

And he had a pretty good idea what it was. 

“Kanan,” her voice sounded steadier than it had earlier. “I know what to say now.”

He turned to her. With that truth serum still in her, she could say a great many things. Kanan couldn’t quite read her expression, mainly because he couldn’t see it. But he sensed her hopefulness, she always glowed with optimism. But it was also laced with urgency, like she needed Kanan to hear her, really hear her. Like if she didn’t get her words out now, she might never be able to. 

And he couldn’t prepare himself for what tumbled out of her mouth. 

“I love you.”

He instinctively raised his eyebrows and turned away. Kanan was at a loss for words. Well, not entirely. There were thousands, tens of thousands of words that bubbled up in his brain, in his heart. Words that took up his entire soul but none of them did justice to the overwhelming feeling that rattled him to his core.

This was something truly fierce.

_This is what struck fear in the hearts of the ancient Jedi Masters._

This was what Kanan was warned against his entire life. 

An instinct more powerful than the Force itself. 

Love. 

It was not something to be taken lightly. Kanan knew, from his years of trying to express to Hera just how deep his affections for her ran, that this was true. 

But it was just so unexpected.

“Must be the truth serum talking,” he speculated aloud. The implication of her loving him as much as he loved her drove him out of his mind. It just couldn’t possibly-

“No,” Hera insisted. He cast what could only be described as a hopeful look in her direction. He sensed her approach with confidence and he knew she was giving him one of her perfect smiles. “It’s me,” she promised. “It’s all me.”

He was slightly startled when she cupped his face but leant into her touch all the same.

Hera loved him.

Hera really loved him. 

He leaned in and was met with Hera’s soft lips and a promise.

A promise of an eternity of kisses, just like this. A future with her. 

He smiled into the kiss and couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her. Holding her so tight, his own silent promise to her. 

That he would do anything to protect them.

Hera and- 

An imperial ship cast it’s harsh light on the two and Kanan felt his heart drop. They couldn’t take them now. He could fight. Would fight. Hera held her Kalikori up to block some of the light as if that would help.

Before Kanan could even reach for his lightsaber the pilot turned the ship and sensed his Padawan’s eager wave from the carrier of the patrol transport.

“Hey enough of that,” he called out to the two lovebirds. “Time to go.”

He would say it. Once they were far far away from the Empire’s clutches he knew it. In his heart, it would be perfect. 

She was so perfect.

In his exhilaration, he didn’t notice it. The fact that something was off. He was too distracted by helping her onto the transport that he didn’t sense the salvo until the fuel pod below them cracked and ignited. 

Kanan immediately jumped towards it and called upon the Force. 

Once something he had to hide to survive.

Now his greatest ally. 

One last time. 

He knew in his heart it was the end. He had sensed it before the mission had started, though he hadn’t wanted to admit it. And that didn’t mean he had to accept it. He still had a future. He had to.

With Hera.

Crazy, impossible, amazing Hera.

And, their son.

He had sensed it before Hera had been taken. But he was waiting for her to be ready to tell him. Now she might never be able to. 

He couldn’t stand that he might never meet his son.

He used all his strength, all his considerable willpower. He would not let this fire destroy everything he worked so hard to make. Not only Hera and his unborn son. But Ezra and Sabine as well. They were like children to him to.

_In the heart of a Jedi lies their strength._

“KANAN!”

And he needed that strength more than ever. When he sensed her run towards him, he used one hand to keep the flame at bay. The other he used to push her back to the ship.

_Please, keep them safe. Please let them survive this. Please protect them._

His heart was racing. He needed to know if she was on the ship. He needed to know that his sacrifice could help her to fight another day. And then as if answering a prayer the Force granted him one final gift.

His sight 

One last look at the love of his life. She looked horrified as if the consequences of his actions had just sunk in.

But she was safe aboard the transport. Ezra was holding her back. He was such a good kid. And Sabine, and Zeb and even Chopper. He wished all of them long and happy lives. That the fighting wouldn’t go on for too long. And they could all have families of their own, while never forgetting the family they created together. 

He was grateful and blessed. So incredibly blessed by the Force for his family. 

He hoped he made Master Bilaba proud. 

He hoped that he and Hera’s son would share his mother’s passion and drive and ideals. That he didn’t cause too many problems for her. Just enough to remind her whose son he was. 

He hoped Hera could find it in her big heart to forgive him.

But he already knew the answer to that.

With his last remaining strength, he used the force to push the transport away to safety.

And in the last moments of Kanan Jarrus’s life, his thoughts strayed to one thing. The sentiment that he had never been able to express aloud. Finally, finally, he would be able to tell her. Finally, he felt free from the burdens that held him back. Finally, he wasn’t scared.

Finally, he could stop running.

He found peace as he said, “I love you too!”

But the transport was already too far away for her to hear.

He closed his eyes and allowed the flames to consume him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have cried a little writing this scene. Especially rewatching the scene so I could get the dialogue and actions right so I hope you enjoy!  
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! 💕


	5. 4 ABY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final part!! Dun dun dunnnnnnn! I hope you enjoy! I have another kanera fic in the works and the first part should be up on Star Wars day so I hope y'all will look out for it!

**+1**

The Ghost hadn’t been this quiet in years. Not since Hera’s early days of fighting for the Rebellion and that had been before she met-

 _Kanan_.

The mere presence of his name in her thoughts was enough for her to stir up old emotions. The hurt and an overwhelming sense of loss that would have destroyed her in the early years after his death had she, not the Rebellion to thankfully distract her. 

But luckily he had given her a gift.

Jacen was the best thing that could’ve happened to her. And with Kanan not around anymore to do stupid things, that responsibility fell to his son, who was currently outside playing with some young Ewoks. 

She watched him through the window of the cockpit as she settled in the pilot’s chair with a cup of caf. She took a deep breath and then exhaled. 

They had won. 

There was still some cleaning up to do, that was for sure. But with the remains of the second death star cluttering the Endor system and the Emperor and Darth Vader both pronounced dead, the Rebellion considered it an ultimate win. 

Hera didn’t know if she could rest easy yet.

But she could rest easier.

Perhaps now she could mourn Kanan properly.

As soon as her thoughts returned to him she heard something pop in the corridor just outside the cockpit. 

She followed the sound to a small compartment outside her room that was opened. 

“Jacen?” she called, confused how it had opened with no one in sight. When no reply came she looked inside the compartment. In it rested her family’s kalikori and Kanan’s mask and Holocron. 

She picked up Kanan’s mask and traced her fingers over the jaig eyes that decorated it. 

She smiled and as memories flooded her mind. Her eyes welled up against her will and she had to put the mask down before she got too emotional. She then picked up her Kalikori and held it close to her heart. She thought she felt a hand rest on her shoulder but when she looked behind her she saw only her son scrambling up the ladder from the cargo bay. 

“Mama, mama. Negli and Bedrak wanted to show me something in the village later, can I go? Pleaseeee.”

Hera’s rule of ‘stay where you can see the Ghost’ had gotten more lenient as more days were put between her and the final Battle of Endor. 

“Sure Jacey, just make sure you’re home before dark.”

“What’s that?” the small boy asked, spotting the kalikori Hera was still clutching. 

She sat cross-legged on the floor of the Ghost and beckoned her son over, who took a seat beside her. “This is our family’s kalikori. Each member of the Syndulla clan has painted a face of the block and it’s passed down through the family. Your Grandpa Cham gave it to me and one day, it’ll be yours.”

Not much of Hera’s family remained, the Syndulla clan usually met with unfortunate ends like her mother and brother. She prayed her father had somehow survived. She hadn’t been back to Ryloth since Jacen had been born. Not sure she would be able to keep her composure seeing her father with her son without Kanan. And the rebellion came first. She didn’t even know if she knew how to live without conflict. But sitting in the corridor of her ship with her son was probably a good place to start.

“Which one is yours?” he asked.

She pointed out one of the faces on the left lek of the object. “And this one,” she pointed to the other side which seemed to blend in with Hera’s art effortlessly. “This was your father’s.”

Jacen reached out, unsure if he was allowed to touch such a sacred gift. But Hera carefully passed it to him so he could get a closer look. 

“Tell me something about him,”

Hera leaned back a bit, holding onto her legs which were still crossed. Jacen didn’t ask about his father much and Hera knew that was her fault. The first time Jacen had pointed to the mural Sabine had created and said ‘Dada?’ had driven her to tears and every subsequent time he mentioned him.

But now that the fighting was over she could honour the love of her life with everything she had. She could tell Jacen stories of his father with a smile. 

“Your father was,” she exhaled. “Flawed, like anyone. Sometimes, most of the time, he was kind. He was one of the most compassionate people that I’ve ever met. He would never admit it, but there was this part of him, that just wanted to do good, and help everybody he came across. But there was also a side of him that was broken. Healing but sad, I think that was where his sense of chivalry came from. He didn’t trust easily, Order 66 saw to that. But once he did, he trusted with his entire heart. He was reckless, that’s for sure. But he was also the bravest, most selfless man I ever knew.”

“I wish I could meet him.”

Hera smiled softly, ruffling her son’s hair. “He would’ve loved you so much. And part of me thinks that’s why he did what he did. Because he knew he couldn’t save all three of us. The force works in mysterious ways.”

Jacen chuckled at that, “yeah. It doesn’t like this corridor.”

“The force?” Hera asked.

“Yeah, whenever I come through here I always hear this loud ringing.”

But all Hera could hear was the steady beeping from the cockpit.

“Jacey there’s no ringing,” she told him.

“Yes, there is, it’s even worse today,” he informed her with the bold confidence that only a child could have.”

Hera wondered if it was the force trying to tell her son something. In the days of the Republic, there were Jedi who roamed the galaxy looking for force-sensitive children. Hera didn’t know much about the force, only what Kanan had told her in riddles and precepts that even he didn’t understand. 

But she knew it was strong with her son. 

She watched him pad over to the compartment that had opened and look inside. 

“It’s this!” he said, pulling out Kanan’s Holocron. He put it up to his ear and then shook it, but when nothing seemed to happen he placed it on the ground in front of him and sat back down.

“The Holocron?” 

“What is it?” Jacen asked.

“Well, that’s a good question. It’s a Jedi Holocron. It holds secrets and messages to members of the Order.”

“What kind of secrets.”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’ve only seen it opened a handful of times.” Then she considered something. “Jacey, why don’t you ask your good friend the Force to help you open it?”

His eyes widened, his grin bearing two missing teeth. He then squeezed his eyes shut, focusing all his energy on the tiny box in front of them.

Hera chuckled, “I’m no Jedi. But I’m pretty sure you have to relax.” 

Jacen took a deep breath, releasing all tension in his face and shoulders. “Mama, what do I do?”

“Just imagine the Holocron opening for you, and the force will make it happen.”

A few moments passed and Jacen opened one eye, already frustrated.

“It’s not working.”

Chopper suddenly entered the corridor in a tizzy. Beeping so rapidly Hera could barely understand what he was saying. 

“Calm down Chop,” she implored. “The Princess wants what now?”

He repeated what he said but slowly.

Hera sighed, Leia had been collecting the flight records of rebellion pilots to make a case about something in the newly forming republic. Hera was supposed to deliver hers that morning but had opted to sleep in instead. 

“Yeah alright. I’m coming. Can you clean up?” she asked her son who was still concentrating on the box.

“Yeah,”

“Alright,” she kissed the top of his head. “See you in a bit,” and followed Chopper to the ramp. 

-

When Hera made her way back to the Ghost, the suns had begun to set. She assumed that Jacen would be making his way back soon after being out with his friends. She returned, however, to find Jacen right where she had left him, albeit now leaning against. Staring at the Holocron which laid open on the ground. 

“Hey kiddo, I thought you were going to hang out with your friends?” 

“I wanted to open it,” he said pointing to the Holocron.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

He nodded. And then, unlike the Jacen she had come to know, he closed his eyes and was calm. He took a few steady breaths and waved his hand over the Holocron.

All the pieces of the Holocron lifted into the air to project an image in front of them. 

“Kanan,” she gasped suddenly, covering her mouth. Jacen took her hand and dragged her down to the floor. Her son pulled her closer and forced her arms around him. She kissed his cheek and rested her head on his. 

“He has that stupid haircut,” she murmured this must’ve been-”

“Hey kiddo, if you’re watching this, it means that I didn’t make it back from saving your mom.”

“What is this?” Hera whispered, barely loud enough to hear. 

“I was waiting for you,” Jacen told her. 

“I suspect,” hologram Kanan said. “I do not have much longer in this lifetime. But if the price to pay for your mother’s life is my own then it will be worth it.

“How did he know?” she whispered and didn’t know if she was talking about his own death, or Jacen. 

“Shhh, keep watching.”

She held her son tighter.

“And if this is the first and last time I talk to you I want you to know how much I wish I could see you once, to hug you once, to tuck you into bed, to see your first steps, hear your first word, and not get too offended when it’s Mama instead of Papa.” The hologram chuckled. Such a familiar sound that even now sent Hera’s heart racing. 

“I am heartbroken to know I cannot be there for you as you grow up. But comforted in the knowledge, that it is your mom taking care of you. She saved me in a way I can never repay. She taught me many things that I hope she teaches you about love, resolve and standing up for what’s right. And if it does come to be that you receive this message and I am not there to hold you or teach you things a father can teach. I hope my family aboard the Ghost suffices in my absence. And if they don’t I’ll give them a good talking to from beyond the grave I promise. 

He was silent for a moment and then- 

“Now, Ezra. I want you to teach my son about-”

“Oh honey, can you skip this part? Please?” It made her uncomfortable watching a part of Kanan’s final words meant for Ezra when she failed to locate him. 

Jacen waved his hand over the Holocron, and she watched the blue hologram of her love skip through his message. 

She’d find him one day. She’d find him and show him Kanan’s final words.

“The force will guide you,” his message to Ezra ended.

He then shifted slightly as if talking to Jacen again.

“And now. Let's talk about your future.”

Hera sniffled and laughed a little at that.

“First and foremost I want you to be happy. No matter if you choose to follow Ezra in the path of the Jedi or your mother has a pilot. Or whatever you may choose. And if you find yourself going down a path that doesn’t make you happy let me tell you, I tried that once. And let me tell you it doesn’t work out. Someone will always convince you out of it.”It seemed he look right at her as he added that last bit

She heard a voice from behind somewhere behind Kanan. She couldn’t hear what the person said but she knew in her heart it was Ezra from the way Kanan smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Is it really that bad?” he asked the invisible voice.

A hologram version of Ezra appeared beside Kanan, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “You’d think you didn’t have a mirror,” he chuckled. “Can’t wait to hear what Hera says about it.” His face got larger as he inspected the Holocron. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t you have some preparations to make,” he smiled pulling Ezra away from the Holocron, making the younger boy laugh. He raised his hands, “I’m going, I’m going. But what is it?”

“You’ll know soon enough. Now get going, we’re leaving in 5.”

Ezra’s hologram disappeared. Kanan turned back to the Holocron. And smiled. And nodded. “Well, you’ll figure it out. I promise.”

He reached for the Holocron and then, “Kiddo, get your mom, I have something to say to her.”

Hera held her son a little bit tighter, as she inhaled sharply. He looked so young without his beard and short hair. He looked exactly as he did the last time she saw him. It was almost comforting despite the tragedy that had followed. 

His eyes were glazed over, even in the hologram. So even though she knew he couldn’t see her. Even though she knew it was pre-recorded and she knew he wasn’t here and couldn’t possibly know what would happen. He seemed to look right at her as he said the words that she needed to hear the most.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!! <3


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